EATING DISORDERS (Part two): The strategy of a mind whose nature is control and rejection.

MY PROBLEM HAD NO SOLUTION!

Anxiety, dissatisfaction, loneliness, eating disorders and self-contempt … Does this resonate with you?

I had everything, but I lacked everything. I had my own company that I was passionate about, travelled all over the world, met great people, was doing well financially. I had a family that supported me and many good friends. I didn’t have a partner, and wanted one almost more than anything else.

But what was going wrong for me? THAT I WAS FAT.

Regardless of what others said to me, whatever I had, or whatever I was doing: what I saw in the mirror and in the inexorable mirror of my mind disgusted and depressed me. I tried to control everything I ate, alternating diets, going without to moments of having to feel full to bursting in order to be able to feel satisfied by something. I went to the gym as if it were a sacred religion, and any absence of exercise plunged me into the deepest anxiety.

I compensated for everything that I lacked by controlling or not controlling what I ate…and if I lost control, I felt guilty. If I felt guilty for being out of control, I became more out of control as a punishment. If I controlled, I felt empty, dissatisfied, and disgusted for not being able to enjoy something that I loved – is this vicious circle, of being caught between control and guilt, familiar?

This was until July 2014 when I first went to an inner evolution retreat with the use of Ayahuasca. Everything changed at that exact moment, and it was during my second retreat, in the August of the same year, when I was able to go in to myself, take the step and let myself submit to the anxiety that governed my life. I will not go into too many details of what happened, because each person deserves to be able to live out their own story of self-discovery, reconciliation, understanding and healing. Suffice to say that since then, I met my current partner, we have a beautiful two year old girl, I lost 10 kilos… If you want to consult with me, I can gladly attend you at [email protected] or by phone at +34 629 64 99 64.

Laura Torrabadella [email protected]

Legal Advisor and retreat director for Inner Mastery International SLU

Member of the Ayahuasca Internacional Team Coordinator of activities in Andalusia and Switzerland

Executive Director and Teacher at the European School of Ayahuasca

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