THE STORY OF A PARTICIPANT AT A RETREAT WITH AYAHUASCA IN BARCELONA
Hello Alberto, my name is Carlos Chito Osuna. We met last week at the retreat in Barcelona, although we have had occasional short conversations via Facebook. I honestly don’t know whether I am writing to you from the ego or from the heart, but I guess I will find out.
When I saw you at the retreat, I felt like an open-mouthed child, listening to you and feeling you during the days I was there as if I had never heard anything like it. I am telling you this because many of the things you were saying I had heard before, and others I hadn’t, but the most important is that what you were sharing came from your heart, from your experience and that is what got to my heart.
On the second day you arrived, you shook everything up and just as your finished you told us not to leave the room and to start the ayahuasca session to keep that energy. And that is how it went. That night I felt so much love and the shaman Elmer offered me a third dose before I connected with what came after (he knew that a third dose would take me there). That energy moved through you the next day in the integration and it touched everyone who was there, it touched whoever it touched in the exact moment in no specific order.
That day I went straight to work and since then, something is moving within me. One of the things that I got from the experience was SILENCE. I felt silence as something that contains everything and where everything is. Today I realise that we live in a world where we identify with a character, as you say, and my character identifies with talking about emotions with whoever I encounter and see that is interested. But behind those conversations there is a subtle mask. The thing is when you are truly in silence with someone, it is like undressing for them and to avoid that sense of being naked, people talk about football, politics, art or spirituality as in my case so that I am someone. I guess that ayahuasca showed me silence for a reason. Perhaps to express what I feel without wanting to obtain anything.
After the retreat I can no longer get the words out. I’m submerged in a strange silence. “I don’t know where I am headed, but I am going”. The other day when I was having a shower I wondered, is this spirit of transformation only in this plant? Or is it everywhere? Because I feel it in me now.
I have been reading books and listening to conferences from different people in different paths for a long time, but all go to the same place. They resonate with me and it is about finding my teacher, being consistent with myself and living presently in the now, consciously and being responsible for my life, just to give some examples of what I have learnt. But suddenly you appear Alberto. I have known about you and the European School of Ayahuasca for about a year but very superficially. So much so that I didn’t realise what you do. At this meeting you have shown me a path where words and theories are useless. Only going through the emotions that I don’t want to see because of my lack of consciousness, and to become conscious of what I feel to transcend them.
I find myself with my dream, the one I have always longed for but that I have become distant from as a result of choosing to empower my fears and traumas. I find myself with the opportunity to collaborate with your project and leave everything behind. Because I don’t want to work, I want to collaborate, to do something that doesn’t feel like work. I have worked in many fields and have always “adapted”. I have never complained and even enjoyed it. Deep down however I have always felt that it was not what I wanted. I also understand and start to feel that the job I have and the bosses I have, as well as my colleagues, are my reflection. For that reason I told you the other the day that it gives me joy to meet you. Something is changing in me, otherwise I wouldn’t know anything about you… there is a phrase that I left in the room which I took from your book (which I am only 30 pages into and has already made me cry) and it is: “WHEN THE MIND TAKES CONTROL THERE ARE WORRIES, WHEN LIFE TAKES CONTROL, THERE IS TRUST”… I will remind myself of this everyday because this is the bridge to the other side. I will remind myself of this because now I feel fear, fear of running out of money and of not doing anything, of remaining the same, stuck. Today I told one of my bosses that I am not going back to work (I work as a waiter for different restaurants). Now is when I most need it most, but I can’t work in a place where everybody shouts, everything is dirty and where people do not matter. There is another thing that I have felt and it frightened me a bit and it is because it is that I don’t want my life to depend on anything or anybody, not even you or Inner Mastery, although paradoxically what you transmit is the opposite….BE FREE WITH YOUR FREEDOM
Thanks again, I know these are only words but I needed to share them with you. I also wish them to materialise, that is how I choose it.
See you soon.
Carlos Chito Osuna
PROFILE PHOTOGRAPH CARLOS CHITO OSUNA
“The drop is about to fall and it will stop being a drop”
Click here for a complete listing of information of all the 2017 Ayahuasca International Retreats Calendar . It includes subsequent links to information, prices and booking procedure for each retreat.
Ayahuasca International holds Inner Evolution retreats with therapeutic use of Ayahuasca in several countries in Europe. Click the links for specific information on each retreat.
South Sweden, August 31 to September 3
Copenhagen, August 31 to September 3
Madrid, September 28 to October 1
Norway, September 28 to October 1
Berlin, September 28 to October 3
For bookings or to request any further information call to +49 (0) 171 987 6655 (also available by whatsapp) or write to [email protected]