WHEN WE DO NOT FEEL COMFORTABLE ANYWHERE The essential dissatisfaction and existential conflicts that affect our life.


Why is there a part of us that wants to flee, abandon or escape?

In the world of personal growth and spirituality there is often times an insistence around having to take a leap, to leave the comfort zone, or to remove ourselves from that which does not benefit us. However, the EVASION that takes place when a leap is taken to go somewhere else, into a different situation, path or project is rarely addressed.


It is also true that without these leaps we would not move forward, but it is no less true that if a leap is taken with the intention of running away, not only are we not moving forward, but we are deceiving ourselves on top of it. The combination of many properly taken steps with the occasional leap allows us to move forwards with great solidity in our personal growth process.


Today is February the 11th, 2016. It is 4 o’clock in the morning, the time of the day when I wake up to write. Silence is one of the greatest secrets to be calm. Solitude is also key. Although there are people in my house I can have peace of mind, without anyone looking at, asking for or calling to me. But there is something much deeper in the phenomenon of writing every morning: the Rest, for I experience it in a bizarre manner; from the moment I go to bed until I wake up I go through an internal process; everything that happens in my everyday life, what I hear or feel stimulates a contemplation of myself and life throughout my sleep.


Last night I had a meeting with Oscar Gomez who, since the beginning has been one of the persons who have contributed visions and ideas, mainly concerning the psychotherapy integration and interaction with the people who work with me or with the clients-participants that partake in the events we organize. Oscar and I practice the kind of conversation, which throws light on the moment we are living through, in order to be able to identify the possible personal inconsistencies that could affect business and labour issues. We take an in-depth look at the people to be able to support them.


Since we are over 50 people working in the same business-project, it is obvious that quite significant things happen that involve all of us, and precisely it is those things that markedly manifest themselves that give us clues about what it is that we must fix, work with or evolve. Today I wanted to share a synthesis of themes, because I’ve been meditating about the issues that could be coincidentally limiting for the development of our life.


Let us see if you identify with the following:


First: the state of a person is apparent. What we see in others is a hazy clue of what is really going on inside. Usually we are much worse off than we believe, or than we are capable of seeing. We do not reflect everything that is happening to us, nor what we feel or what is going on inside. As if we are restrained bombs. For this reason, self-deception is indispensable. Not perceiving reality as it is can be quite useful to continue onwards, even if nothing is being truly resolved. But if this self-deception grabs a hold in time, it ends up being particularly harmful for the individual’s progress; it is as if we were learning to adjust to everything so nothing changes.


Second: life offers us many more opportunities than we are ready to seize. There is an unbalance between everything that we could do and what we actually do. We are evidently limited, constrained, stuck in a safe, comfortable and well-known zone, which enslaves and distances us from the possibilities of expansion and growth. Not being able to perceive what life is offering us, not even realising that we already have a ready-made path to walk, is the consequence of factors such as fear, low self-esteem, feelings of unworthiness or blocks around prosperity. Not being able to see the opportunities is a tragic psycho-emotional blindness.


Third: we barely use any of the values, talents, gifts and capacities we possess; in this sense we are a true waste. It is self-evident that we are worth much more than we believe ourselves to be, and can go much farther than we can imagine. We have a blocked, dormant, or squandered potentiality, which wounds our souls, craving to express themselves. For this reason, shamans claim that disease is merely spiritual, because humans reject the free and creative spirit that they carry inside. If potentiality is not acknowledged or embraced everything that follows becomes somewhat dull.


The situation, as outlined in these three points, constitutes human nature itself: we deal with both limitations and potentiality. Divinity and humanity inhabit the same space. Said otherwise: shadow and light. But the government of conditioning is so oppressing that it prevents us from blossoming.


We are constantly presented with different moments and situations, which challenge us to overcome anything that is limiting us and to walk the path of the growth and realisation of our deepest longings. Denial, conditions and impediments, stand in the way, preventing us from taking the leap. Most of the times, fear wins us over, but it is vital to meditate about the fact that for so long as what we are and what we are worth does not visibly manifest in our lives, we are confined to dullness, resignation, suffering and wasting away. And that is the situation that keeps creating an immense internal discomfort.


It is imperative to escape the tyranny of conditioning for this to happen, vital to straighten out the internal damage that prevents us from functioning properly. There is much to fix, and in order to do so we must open healing processes that take a great deal of time and energy. On many occasions this will drain, overwhelm and discomfort us, but if we do not address every single point or knot blocking us we will not be able to take the leap in order to transcend and evolve. If the baby steps we take are not joined by leaps we get used to mediocrity. Some inner resistances are so deep that they require a great transformation technology to be dissolved. If we take leaps without solving what is still pending, the leap will be but a simulation.


AN EXAMPLE OF A MORE OR LESS COMMON REACTION:  when people do not want and/or cannot carry on or advance because more complicated steps are required from them, which call for greater attention, surrender and trust, an external call is activated, a kind of order coming from something or someone that keeps saying “come, come, come”. A great many people will assert that they must leave a place or situation obeying to that voice (created by themselves); and it is possible that they do leave, guided by cowardice and not by courage, but they leave without solving what was presented to them, without getting to the end of that given journey. By escaping to any other situation they carry with them everything that remained unresolved from the previous situation. It is logical that the limitation gets stronger through escapism, disguised as alleged “CALLS OF THE HEART”, which in reality are hiding an elusive mechanism. “My heart tells me I should leave” is a typical phrase that tries to justify the unjustifiable. In practice, they are pushing the “EJECT” button to get away and relying on a parachute to save them while they abandon the aeroplane.


What are we humans trying to get away from? Why do external magnets become activated to draw us away from the place in which we should remain? Where does this need to disappear come from? What generates the impulse of wanting to quit?

All external magnets are directed by internal aspects, there is a part of us that wants to escape, to abandon, thus we activate these external magnets, which call us, lure us, absorb us… coming from the need to escape. But where to go? Before we move we already know that we will carry this nonconformity any place we go.

A friend of mine wrote to me a few days ago asking: What can one do in order to really surrender to existence, Alberto?

I replied: “your words resonate with a very powerful need: THE NEED TO DISAPPEAR FROM THE MAP, of being swallowed by the Earth. I also see in your question a DISTRUST TOWARDS LIFE. Since the need of escaping and distrust are two sides of the same coin, hence whoever escapes, mistrusts. I deeply feel that YOU ARE NOT COMFORTABLE WITH WHAT YOU ARE LIVING IN THIS MOMENT, and it is something in general, not just due to money, your career, your family, etc… But because of the weariness towards yourself, it’s like an existential boredom because you are fighting to give meaning to your life or to give your life a defined purpose which allows you to rest in a continuous surrender. A lot of people set themselves upon a self-imposed “surrender to existence”, because it sounds cool or they read about it in a book. But SURRENDER is something that cannot happen as a result of a previous deed. It is something spontaneous and magical. If actual surrender does not exist, it seems as if something needs to be done to surrender, but eventually one realises that this is not true surrender.

My friend’s original question does not lead to any place where an answer can be found. What can one do to really surrender to existence, Alberto? This question reflects a need to surrender resulting in a demand, which is not compatible with the existential phenomenon of feeling at ease with oneself. If I am at ease I do not need to deliver but to receive. In being at ease there is a natural emanation, not a programmed or mandated surrender. If I need to surrender it is because I still have not learned to receive because I still don’t feel worthy of receiving.

The correct questions would be: What can existence do to give me what I need? What can I do for existence to surrender to me? Both questions at least have an answer and it is the same: NOTHING! Because nothing can be done to feel comfortable and satisfied with oneself. Existence cannot do anything and neither can you. But objective observation, free of judgement, serene and profound, (which might seem like doing, but is not) is what opens up consciousness and activates the capacity of observing the mechanism through which the same keeps happening over and over again. What keeps repeating itself is that nothing profoundly satisfies me. I can’t stay in any relation or situation for long. When something troubles or confronts me I feel the need to run away.

People live their entire life according to this repetition of the same patterns and reactions, as though mechanisms programmed to keep reacting in the same way. Who dares leave behind the mechanism of repetition?


The need to escape or disappear comes from a very deep place in which the individual is not comfortable with him or herself, feeling the lack of whatever is needed to feel whole. This feeling of incompleteness produces an existential vacuum that can be used either to escape or to go inside the very core of the problem. Each one of us has the choice and according to the chosen option you will either find heaven or hell.


If we choose to escape we are not resolving anything, we are only postponing. If we get into our black box we can find out the origin of our dissatisfaction. It might take us years to find out, but in this process and from the beginning we already find traces of the original tragedy. We begin to see what happened to us. We realize that there were reasonable causes to feel discontent, and if we proceed without abandoning the process we will be able to find ourselves face to face with the solution.


I acknowledge this as an arduous journey, one that occasionally becomes complicated, but it is precisely this that guarantees us that every little step we take is 100% authentic and is preparing us to take great quantum leaps. The therapeutic-spiritual world is packed with self-deceived people, who believe they know or that they have reached a determined state of consciousness, but when life places them on more or less complicated situations they do not know what to do… so they either run away or give in.


Those who are able to remain until the end of every stage in their life are the ones capable of developing their greatest potential and benefit from the possibility of evolution, and it is them who shall reach the end of their lives happy to depart. Aborting a process is a tragic thing to do, but when a phase is over and everything that was useful for our evolution has been collected then it is time to carry on. Not through running away but leaping towards new challenges that will continually expand the path towards joy.


If I am not comfortable with myself, where can I go? I would have to leave life itself, but perhaps even that would not suffice. How to get away from existence? That is impossible. We are trapped and faced with the need to solve the essential conflict of nonconformity and the discomfort of inhabiting our current body and situation.


Whether you are a man or a woman, whether you are better or worse off, rich or poor, healthy or sick, it is up to you and up to me to go through each and every step, feeling and thanking whatever has been given to us.
“If in this life we go through what we have to go through, then we will transcend, and we will be ready for new phases in the game of evolution.”


Alberto José Varela

[email protected]


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