TAKING REJECTION APART (Part one) Discovering the key that reopens the door of dignity through the painful process of recognition of the rejection that inhabits each human being


What if what we receive depends on internal programs that prevent the arrival of what we deserve?

Until we can unify human traumas in a single point, we can not access the roots of suffering. So I dare to propose that we look at wounds in a global and inclusive way, considering the idea that all wounds are aimed at leading us to the experience of rejection. There is a type of existential rejection that we feel at a spiritual level that I will talk about in another article, but for now I want to focus on the repercussion of the rejection experience in human life that comes from the relationship with other human beings.

Perhaps we agree that happiness depends to a large extent on standard of living, well-being we experience and the quality of life we have, and this in turn depends on vital factors such as health, economy and love. Wanting things to go well in life means having to include those factors, and they are also closely related to each other. Physical pleasure, psycho-emotional satisfaction and spiritual bliss are states that are as possible as they are difficult to reach. To a great extent, they depend on the quality of relationship with others and with the external, because these are the sources from which we will get to what we most want.

If we aspire to heal the trauma of rejection and thereby have a life of joy, we must recognise that achieving it is something that goes far beyond what we think. Many believe that it is simply a matter of thinking positively, of setting up beliefs contrary to scarcity, or implementing successful strategies. Of setting high goals or of looking only at the bright side of life. But behind everything we can do to have a good life there will be a shadow that follows us connected to a programme installed in our mind that is founded on indignity.

“To be worthy is to be ready and predisposed for everything we deserve. It is living in acceptance. To be unworthy is to be trapped in the tyranny of rejection.”

Those of us who approach our past with the intention of healing wounds and thus getting ready to be happy come across many episodes that have hurt us, that have closed our hearts and that have become traumas that accompany us in the day to day causing discomfort, pain, behaviours contradictory to happiness and decisions that take us away from a good life. These cystic traumas create a destiny, a way of being and of living life. Experts say that there are many types of traumas, but for me there is only one: REJECTION. Everything else is a diversification of this.

The rejection that we human beings experience is a scourge, to the extent that we could all say that we have all experienced it, with differences being a matter of graduation and intensity. There are people who have been rejected less and others more. Rejection manifests itself in many ways. It is the most common and mainstream trauma that human beings experience. For example: being overprotected is perceived as rejection in the depths of any child’s psyche. “If they overprotect me, it is because they do not trust me. Because they believe that I will not be able to face situations”. The message an overprotected child receives is “if my parents avoid the risk and the danger for me is because I can not face to anything for myself”.”If they give me everything it is because I will not be able to get it by myself”. But there are many types of other rejections, such as: abandonment, judgement, abuse, violence, indifference, betrayal, humiliation. These physical, psychological and emotional abuses lead to the perception of rejection. They come from direct and explicit episodes, but there are others that are very subtle. Not listening or paying attention to a child is another type of subtle rejection that causes the child to suffer from not being attended to when needed. Making a child feel annoying is another wound that damages its sensitive heart that is open to everything that happens in the environment. Deep down, every child is left with the register of deep emotional needs. Heartbreak is one of the deepest wounds that is perceived as rejection.

The deepest needs of people are anchored in an essential need to be loved, and love is registered through acceptance. Loving is not just accepting, but accepting is the beginning of love. If you do not accept, you reject; and if you reject, you can not love. Rejection is very important in preventing the experience of love.

When we meet with someone who rejects us, all our conditioning is set in motion to interact in order to refine the rejection mechanism. Rejection has been evolving for millennia. It is a primordial wound that reaches the soul of the human being. The projection is nothing more than an instrumentalisation of the need to remove the anger, impotence and indignation produced by rejection. Violence, abuse and aggression are a projection of rejection, because it is the hard and strong core from which all expressions of resentment emerge.

Acceptance is a powerful medicine capable of healing the deepest wounds. But if we direct the work of healing from a place of acceptance without going deeper into the rejection, we will make a superficial intervention that will not heal the wound from the root.

Rejection is that wonderful human experience that challenges the consciousness to reach healing. All humanity is seeing what to do with rejection. Human life is designed according to rejection.

Reaching a state of pure and innocent acceptance is the deepest secret of abundance and prosperity, on which the arrival of everything that our soul longs for depends.

Alberto José Varela

[email protected]


Second Article on rejection, because the idea that I have is to dismantle it, dissolve it and transform it into creative acts and decisions for a life of acceptance:

TAKING REJECTION APART (Part two) Why do we use rejection and acceptance as weapons of manipulation?


































Leave a Comment

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

Scroll to Top