TRANSFORMATION IS BORN IN THE DEPTH OF THE INNER BEING.
From absurd fullness to the conscious vacuum, in order to create that which leads us to reconciliation.
Today, March 20th, I woke up at 5 in the morning thinking about the thousands of people who listen to me or read me. I immediately got up and remained silent for 2 hours writing this for the readers of the blog.
Before everything existed, there was only an inside. The outside still did not exist. And it is precisely in that inside which is full of energetic activity where something that generated an explosion occurred, and from which the outside was born.
The inside ceased to exist and since then, there is only an outside in constant expansion. It is the journey to infinity that characterised that expansive impulse and that in turn guided the original particles to be born as a result of subatomic collisions. Then gravity took care of the rest. It disordered energy and converted into matter, attracted it and moved it away, to finally create the dust of stars and the chaos necessary for this model of the existing universe to emerge.
All human beings are part of the exterior and we are as outside as everything that exists. We are a product of creation and, therefore, we are guided by the same original model. Something exploded in the depths of our being and then we were expelled outwards in the search for meaning and destiny. What explodes within each one of us is related to feelings. To the traumas we experience at a young age, to the wounds that occur when we are still innocent. Then the journey that we make outside acquires infinite directions, speeds and ways to create the same chaos that happened in original creation. Unlike gravity, humans use rejection and acceptance as energy that attracts and moves us away. In this sense, all of us who consider love as a guide to disorder, to clashes and to attraction, are in a state of full creative activity. We are also creators and our speciality is to create realities. The original reality is born as a consequence of the perception we create about what we experience. Everything we see generates a perceptual reality that is the product of our interpretation. The encounter of ourselves with the understanding that things happen to us, is in itself, an internal explosion. Realising is the great human explosion. No matter what happens to us or what we interpret about it, consciousness does not miss any opportunity to create realities. Thus, the human mind has become a storehouse of memories of realities that were created by consciousness.
If consciousness exploded in the big bang, this phenomenon must be reproduced in everything that reaches a point where its limit is broken. The mind must explode. Therefore, just as it has been necessary to develop the membrane or skin that contains us, and given that this organic limit can not explode, it is essential to be permanently breaking the limits within the internal activity of our mind. The mind is an accumulation of interpretations, and these in turn produce conclusions. The only thing that can fulfil the mandate to explode are the ideas that inhabit our mind. The idea of what life is, humanity, the other, relationships, love or life; those ideas that possess us are the script that directs the architect of creation of our reality.
I emphasise again a key concept: the internal does not exist. With the above I mean that the accumulation of thoughts that we have developed comes from outside. The mind is an implantation of the external as a product of the consciousness that we possess and therefore, we can say that, in essence, we preserve innocence. When we are pure and innocent children any belief can be inculcated into us without us preventing it. Then we create a mind that is not ours and the consequent substitute idea of what we genuinely are. Thus, what we believe ourselves to be does not correspond to our interior, but simply to the internalised outside and that gives us a sensation -though false- that there is something inside. The internal is full of all kinds of things from the outside that we have seen, heard or perceived in some way. It is composed of all kinds of words and orders that have come from outside and that have created thoughts and mechanisms that defend the outside firmly. As if we were a defence system of the external in us. What we call projection is nothing more than an outward explosion of what is inside, but that is not something of our own but something that has been unwittingly introduced to us. Anger, violence, abuse, aggression in its various forms; all these emotions and their manifestations come from the same conflict. We have been abused. They have filled us with all kinds of beliefs, thoughts and ideas, and we have not been able to prevent it.
All of us who somehow start a path of transformation as a result of having realised that something is not working or that there is something that doesn’t fit, sooner or later become aware that we are full of the external, and that the internal will not generate itself until something inside us explodes and begins to travel in space and time. Ideologies are ideas that have exploded within a space invaded by some individual. A war or attack is the explosion of a feeling within the abused space of some person. The explosion of the external imposed within us produces many types of destructive effects, but on occasion, brilliant creative ideas also explode that are reflected in writing, art, science or spirituality. Both types of explosions are guided by the same original impulse and therefore, we create and destroy as if it were a permanent process of simulated or small-scale cosmic explosions.
We are creatures that on the one hand naturally respect the cosmic order to explode and travel outward, and on the other hand, we invert the universal law of inner emptiness by wanting to be filled with something that allows us to find the meaning of our existence. Deep down we want to empty ourselves by removing everything that is occupying our interior; by wanting to enter a pure and clean space that is not contaminated by anything or anybody. We are creating an internal space of our own, and although emptiness makes us afraid, the longing to rediscover ourselves with our essence is unstoppable. In that return to our interior, we undertake a journey back to the origin in solitude, as if we wanted to return to the point where there was only an inside.
Every internal explosion is in and of itself a journey back to the starting point, and it is consciousness that can expand through so much incomprehension, opening the way to confusion and finding exit paths among innumerable thoughts and conclusions whose authors have not been ourselves. In this process, everything that is not one’s own is discarded. The memory of mental scrap is emptied, and for the first time an empty and internal space is created where a transformation laboratory will be assembled. The authentic has no other option than to manifest itself. Human flourishing is the result of a big bang that occurred in the void of a seed full of potentiality. When this point is reached – and this can be achieved in a short or long time – anyone can come to realise that they have to leave a large part of the beliefs that they have been holding onto and sustaining. That they have no other option but to prepare themself for it to happen – the great transformation that deep down their soul longed for.
It is strange that life is a perfect scene for the transformation to take place that consciousness requires. Although it is hard to realise that we have created a life from a false internal place, it is wonderful to become aware that we are facing the greatest challenge and, in turn, the greatest possibility: to change the model of life that we have by using the purest feelings we have as the raw material for such a precious construction. Goodness, peace, tenderness, freedom, trust, delicacy, dedication, unconditionality, patience, compassion, creativity and courage constitute the raw material of a new and solid internal structure in which we can build the launching platform towards others and also towards the origin. In short, each person is a particle that wants to meet another in the game of love, because that way we directly get to infinity and eternity. It seems, according to what my understandings dictate to me, that transformation can only happen in the deep, and that deep is a space that occurs when an authentic transformation has taken place.
Alberto José Varela