From the book: Chronicles of a spiritual vagabond. Part 4 February 2007
It’s been 9 years since I wrote this chapter of a book, which is also an open chapter of my own life, almost as if this chapter had become the book to my entire life.
So big is the space to be explored, so long is the path to be walked during a lifetime…
So huge is the amount of connections that can be established and so deep the memory we can recover about what we are and where we come from, that there is no other choice but to become a vagabond within existence, relaxed and trusting in the flow of life itself, in order to navigate through this infinite universe of mystery.
When I started to write this chronicle about my own life I knew I had to trust, first in myself, then in the capacity of each one of those who would read it, and most of all in their capacity to see beyond words.
I affirm that the experience of flying is possible for every single human being, it has been possible for me and I am trusting that it is possible for all of us.
Each individual can see themself in his or her longing for freedom, love and happiness. Every reader that is able to get in touch with the potential of being a spiritual vagabond, will understand that a spiritual vagabond flows, and comprehension of what flowing really is cannot be achieved without first comprehending what it depends upon.
We have to comprehend the concept of coincidence in order to see how flowing works. Things do not happen by chance but rather, they happen through causality. Causality is the eternal law of cause-effect, everything is originated by something that came prior to it. FLOWING can only happen for a human after TRUST. Flowing without trust is laziness.
Trusting means flowing. They are actually the same concept manifested in two different verbs which express the same reality seen through the concept of cause and effect. Trusting is the cause and flowing is the effect. It is crucial to comprehend that without trust, flow cannot happen. A lack of trust means distrust, and distrust means a lack of flow. Trust and distrust are radical positions, there is nothing in between. Trusting halfway and distrusting halfway does not happen. You either trust or distrust, a woman cannot be partially pregnant, nor can she be so every other day. She is either pregnant or she is not. That is how trust works, ¿is it there or is it not? If it is, no distrust can get in the way of flowing.
The opposite of trust is not distrust, distrust is the flipside of trust, not its opposite; the opposite of trust is manipulation, since it is, in fact, the manifested activity of trying to control everything all the time, people and situations. Wanting to control everything, besides being impossible, is also the opposite of trust. The opposite of distrust is flowing. There are a great number of people who let go of everything, even control, but who are still unable to trust because they have not yet developed it. This is the reason why being able to detach can be of little use for so many, because that is merely an attitude disguised as flowing, when in fact, it is nothing more than just dropping something.
Trust resides in the heart while distrust resides in the mind, the heart produces an intuitive pulse that leads the way for those who trust; while the mind produces great confusion as it endlessly calculates pros and cons, what you may gain or lose with every decision, what people will like or dislike in our every action; the beat of a heart orients every instant of the one who trusts the axis of their existence, the heart always feels safe because it knows its place, that is why it does not need to know what will happen, it does not need anyone’s approval or to balance out gains and dues to ponder over a previous result that gives it security when saying what it has to say, the heart jumps first, and then, if it still has time and feels like it, thinks. Which never really happens, when the heart jumps, it simply enjoys. U.G.Krishnamurti used to say: “You either think, or you live”. Mind thinks and we grow apart from life, mind produces orders filled with hidden fear, charged with camouflaged guilt; fear and guilt are the main pillars of manipulation; notice how, if you want to make someone do something they do not want to do, just filling them with a little bit of fear and a little bit of guilt will always do the job; manipulation is the main activity of a conditioned mind.
To manipulate is to retain, to tie up, to attach, to hold, to maintain, to convince, to fight, to control, to resist, to govern and dominate. That makes it necessary to constantly create attraction, interest and desire strategies, desire produces an alienated sense of loving that has been created by different interests. And then we say that we do what we do through CONVICTION, which is true, conviction shows we have been convinced to do this and that, since the root of the word conviction is indeed, convince. Manipulation is about doing all kinds of things to make other things happen. It is to produce voluntary causality. As humans we can not produce causality, only accept it as all existing things do, yet, we try to produce it and so we become manipulators; this was the main activity I developed through many years, both in my personal life and at work when I was doing marketing. That is why I am very qualified to talk about this since I have lived through it.
To trust means to flow, to risk, to set free, to open, to give it all, to give it up… Trust means letting whatever has to happen, happen… When I trust, I put myself in the hands of existence, I do not do, instead I allow it to happen, I accompany the current that takes me to the unknown, I observe free of judgment, I accept my exposure, I do not ask for security, nor do I demand guarantees, I let it occur… Trusting means doing nothing to interfere with the will of existence, trusting means allowing. Trusting is the activity that defines the being. When the being is, then there is trust.
A little leaf falls off a tree, and that is the moment it ceases being a tree, and for an instant, falls on its own into the unknown until it joins many other thousands of leafs; so it begins its journey downwards, falling from the tree with great confidence, it does not know what will happen nor does it know what awaits down there, it is alone in the air for the first time, it did not hesitate to jump thus beginning its flight through the air. However, it will not fly for long because the tree is right next to a river, now the leaf has to swim, without knowing how to do it, it wasn’t given time to take swimming or rafting lessons, the leaf isn’t ready, if it were it wouldn’t be able to trust.
The mighty river represents the flow of life, the current will embrace that little leaf as its adopted child and will take it very far from where it was born and raised, the leaf, seeing its fall into an uncontrolled river, surrenders, relaxes and lets the river take it wherever it may be, trusting, asking for no help, it does not look for a compass to know the way it heads so as to find its way back one day; because flowing means there is no going back to the places we once were; going back and flowing are incompatible, you can return, but the one who returns will always be a completely different being, because when you return to the place you came out of, after having flowed, you have changed to such an extent that those who used to know you recognize you no more.
We live in the era of infinite possibilities laid out by quantum physics, and so, we face the risk of choosing. It is true that so many possibilities will tempt us to choose one but, when you flow, you do not need to choose, flowing itself has the energy needed to take us wherever it is we must be. For that reason, a spiritual vagabond chooses not to choose, that is the only choice to make. By not choosing, a journey with no blueprint begins, no control, no order and no planning. Preoccupation is a by-product of manipulation, that is why when one is flowing no preoccupation is involved, flowing means trusting, and trusting means flowing, there is nothing to worry about before things happen, and once they do happen you just have to go with the flow.
Not letting oneself go wherever life wants to take us means distrust. Resistance to flowing is resistance to freedom, and therefore, to life itself. We can come up with so many reasons for not letting go: kids, parents, school, work, grandchildren, the house, home, the neighbourhood and so many other different little things, all of them temporary, apparently important, but they will all disappear; the opportunity to live life flowing with the energy of freedom is unique, and what you pick up along the way, will accompany you forever and ever.
As you let yourself flow, you get to places that would otherwise be impossible to get to by swimming, following an expert guide or even a G.P.S. In existence there is no need for a compass pointing to the north, no need for personal consultants, nor any guides knowledgeable about places and sites, because having them leaves you outside the field of flowing possibilities.
Trusting will inevitably lead us to unknown, unsafe and uncomfortable places, but there, in each and every single one of those places it takes us, we will fill ourselves with admiration for life and will be surprised by the unexplored landscapes that we encounter, we will fill ourselves with gratitude caused by the happiness experimented when we see that security is born within ourselves the moment we take the leap and go to places where there is insecurity and instability; because in the same way that the unknown stops being the unknown the precise moment we enter it, the unsafe stops being the unsafe the very moment we walk through it.
Water flows, but in order to flow it has to be slippery, shapeless, flexible and adaptable, so… ¿How does water work? Circular, it transforms, it travels, it becomes vapour, cloud, rain, rivers and oceans, it fears not ceasing to be; it goes up as it evaporates and down as it condenses, it comes and goes, but the moment it freezes it hardens up and stops moving. There it gets colder and contracts, it becomes an ice block. It is true that ice also has its function in nature, but the nature of a human being is related to movement, to change, transformation and flowing. Trust lives in uncertainty. Uncertainty means not knowing, and not knowing is the only way to penetrate into mystery.
The great challenge of a spiritual vagabond is none other than setting foot into mystery, because that is the moment a miracle occurs. Once there, never again will you want to know what is going to happen next. That is where you drop your expectations and regain peace. A spiritual vagabond knows trust because he lives it. Because, much in the same way one knows love by loving, one also know trust by trusting.
In the same way that water atomizes and becomes able to fly; a human being, through trust, becomes free.
Freedom is not an external journey to any place, but rather an internal opening, that becomes the expression of that which we are and bring with us.
At the beginning when I said I learned how to fly, I was referring to this, that one day, without even realizing it, I became a cloud.
Being a cloud.
A cloud has nowhere to go, nobody knows where it comes from nor where it may be going.
Its path is a mystery, its arrival and departure irrational, it drifts through the sky with no direction or destination.
Being a cloud is a rootless phenomenon, it never leans anywhere.
It needs no attachments, however, it can go very far.
It does not need to move with intentions, however, it always arrives to the right place.
It does not need a predetermined path, however, it walks the path of perfection.
It does not need to conquer, however, it floats above everything.
A cloud drifts though immensity, without leaving any footprints and marks behind, as if it did not exist. Being a cloud means giving up the fight.
You become a cloud only when you learn how to trust.
Every moment is an eternity for a cloud.
You can not interact with a cloud, you can become one with it and let it become one with you.
You can not travel on top nor below a cloud, you can travel with it, in it.
When traveling within the essence of a cloud, existence is guiding.
If you trust…
A marvellous journey awaits you.
Alberto José Varela
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