WHEN A LIFE PROJECT DIES, is it possible to change? (Part 1)

On the possibility of making real changes,

turning over a new leaf, and starting over.


Almost every human being has a life project; a job, a study, a partner, a family, a business, or everything all at once, conforming a previously designed model that each person creates as he or she grows up, learns, identifies and discovers what he or she apparently wants.

He dreams of materializing the project he has created with so much excitement. After making it happen, or while in the process of achieving it, he realizes that it is not what satisfies him. He even comes to feel that it is not what he really wanted; a profound disappointment and disillusionment arises, but also the fear of the unknown, of uncertainty and of change.

He begins to realize that he must make a change. Then, a conflict arises. What do you do with a life project that you have accomplished but does not make you happy? How do you assimilate the fact that you have made a great investment in something that you no longer want or no longer sparks your interest?

You have managed to achieve part or all of your life project thinking that you would feel very good about it and that it would be permanent, but boredom arises, disappointment, rupture … and that is when you start looking for other options. Other potential life projects may appear, much more exciting or challenging, which are almost always contradictory to the project that had been created before. Naturally, we observe and we look to consider other projects; sometimes they are adventures, sometimes escapes and others, they are true gambles to create something new.

A life project encompasses so many aspects that the day we consider changing it, it is as if we need to be born again.

Suddenly we have before us the possibility of a new life.

When we embark upon a new project, we almost always keep the previous project in parallel, we dare not leave what no longer speaks to our heart, and as we progress we put more energy and dedication into the new project; but the former is still there, agonizing, dragging on with no energy. Other people change their life project but they do so keeping the energy of the previous project. Those are the cases in which they do not settle or create a firm foundation to grow because they are still anchored to an outdated model.

The people who were involved in the original project do not understand what is happening but sense that something is not right. They all await signals, unexpected news, a decision … something to clarify their situation because everyone realizes that this person has already withdrawn their soul from the project. The person is gone, but still maintains it fictitiously, as if he still had the addiction to sustain an old energy.

From the shadows of a dead past, the sense of abandonment, betrayal and rejection emerge. The relentless fear that tries to prevent the change appears. All kinds of neurotic negotiations are made to postpone the decision.

Meanwhile, everyone suffers; the lie involves the whole life and the thousand justifications fail to make credible a single argument that the mind creates to avoid deciding.

The obsolete life project awaits for us to dare dismantle it with the same love as we created it with, with gratitude and sincerity, with firmness and compassion. There is no need to blow up that which has taken so many years to create. Dismantling it from sincerity is what will guarantee us the ability to open up without limits to that which is new. Sometimes you cannot make a clean and orderly dismantling, and only abandonment is possible, without further ado.

The mystery that awaits us is indescribable and only depends on our attitude. There is no need to answer to anyone, no need to justify ourselves about what we left behind; whatever we do, no matter how we do it, we will never be left with a debt when the truth points the way. In reality, a treasure opens that had been closed as we were distracted with a life project that had nothing to do with our souls.

When a life project dies, a new life is born; it is the opportunity to start from scratch, with no preset ideals or models. Although frustration and disappointment may follow us as a reproach to the abandonment, they cannot stop us. Although guilt may harass us every moment, it will not keep us from advancing in that which we have always felt at heart, but had simply not discovered.

We are facing a great opportunity. We have a challenge that surpasses reason. Most likely our soul has sought it. Now, from what we deserve, we have attracted it.

Now is the time, the moment has come for that part of each one of us which wants to live truly and be happy, to be fulfilled; that part that is so tied into what we are and what we bring to life.


Alberto José Varela





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